Ramble On

I have problems.

Isn’t that the crux of everything ever I post online? Pretty much.

Same topic I usually post about? You betcha.

Here’s the difference: I did something I feel really good about.

I don’t know what the final effects of it are.

I went admittedly a little over the top, and I know what message I meant to send.

I don’t know, however, what was received. Some people are crazy.

It’s making me more than a little antsy, and I’m having trouble not thinking about it.

Who’s the crazy one again?

I wish there was an easier way.

Spread too thin…

Growing up, I definitely identified as a loner. My group of friends was close-knit and rather exclusive, and I didn’t really get out of that kind of cliqueness until my freshman year of college. That was a big moment for me, as it opened up a whole new group of people for me to interact with, and it increased my faith in people as a whole (definitely a good thing for one aspiring to be a teacher, yes?) In that process, a new “home” was formed, so to speak; a new plane of my life, an existence so far removed from what had come before (18 hours’ drive, to be exact) that I felt as if I was living in two separate worlds.

Things (and people) have happened since that have lessened that feeling somewhat, so that each of my worlds have almost become a single plane of my social existence.

Then, I have a third amazing experience (that of the camp I am currently working at as a counselor), and the process has repeated. Now, I have three planes of social existence, and it’s driving all of my seemingly established thoughts about my social status totally haywire.

Ideally I would like for a lot of people to understand all of the things that have made me me. There is not enough time in my life for this. I must either be extremely selective about who I share myself with, or be satisfied with what I perceive as partially incomplete friendships.

Neither of these is particularly palatable to me.

In the back of my mind, I fear that time is running faster on me. It will hit me especially hard when I return to Michigan to find a great many of my friends from freshman year (those with 4-year degrees) no longer on campus. These people are moving forward with their lives. I feel like in order to follow suit, I have the next year in which to streamline my planes of social existence into something more elegant which will keep me sane and healthy for the rest of my life.

It scared me before I put it in writing. Now, it seems crushing.

In my life I have been shaped by the people around me. To decide the people to keep closest…shouldn’t I have made this decision by now?

A conundrum.

Given a sum of money, would you choose to obtain something with it, or use it as a means to an experience?

In other words, would you buy something you want, or take a trip and do something you want to do?

Each would seem to have its own rewards. You have something that you want forever and ever, you have an experience to cherish forever and ever.

Most of the people I respect most, and that seem to have the most satisfying lives, pick the latter a great majority of the time. Why is this?

I’ll need to think about it some more, but I know this is important.

Worst race ever.

Mario Kart Wii online. Maple Treeway.

Somehow the item wheel broke and people were getting about 5-7 leader shells per lap. Have you ever seen someone double bombed by leader shells? It happened to me about three times in one race.

Sometimes life will tell you when you need to get back to work.

Alternate lives.

It’s weird to think about all the places and people you’ve met whom, if you’d just given that extra push to stay with, you’d be in a completely different place and perhaps a completely different person at this point. This happens to me on almost a daily basis during Facebook browses or whatever, and it throws me for a loop every time. I lead a very happy life right now, but those unlived lives are always curious to think about.